


Lost and Found

by Naithom



Category: Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries
Genre: Abstinence, BFFs make the worst jokes, Bad Jokes, Best Friends, Celibacy, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Wandering Womb, finders keepers, really bad jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:20:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26537962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Naithom/pseuds/Naithom
Summary: Phryne shares with oldest and best friend the fact that she has gone without sex for months. The jokes fly faster than Mac can run to get away from one of Aunt P's luncheons.Thanks to my beta, FirstGenTrekkie. You are the best!
Relationships: Phryne Fisher & Elizabeth MacMillan, Phryne Fisher/Jack Robinson
Comments: 13
Kudos: 118





	Lost and Found

“Sir,” Hugh stuck his head into his boss’s office. “Will you be going over to Miss Fisher’s after work?”  
  
Jack raised his head from the report he was finishing.  
  


“As a matter of fact, yes? Did you need a ride?”  
  
Grateful relief spread over the constable’s face. “Oh, that would be great. Dottie’s helping with the bazaar and some of the other officers’ wives sent things for the bazaar and they asked if I could take them over and, well, there’s more stuff here than I can carry.”  
  
Jack chuckled, “It’s about time to head out anyway. Let’s see if we can get it all loaded in the car.”  
  
Parking so they could unload in the back, they found Dot ordering Bert, Cec, and Mr. B as though she was a field commander. “Clothing and blankets can act as a buffer for the canned goods and the homemade wines and I know just how many bottles Mrs. Logan made Albert, so don’t think you can sneak one. That said, if you want to make an early donation, we can hold one back for when we’re done. Hugh! Inspector! My goodness what all have you brought?”  
  
Hugh grinned proudly, “Dot, come see what the City South auxiliary donated!”   
  
Jack greeted the group. “It appears that the bazaar will be quite successful. I do believe that I smelled several tins of lamingtons as we packed everything in.”  
  
Dot smiled and leaned toward him, “Thank you so much for helping! I never expected we’d get so much! Oh, Miss Fisher is in the parlor with Dr. Mac.”  
  
Jack made his way through the kitchen and the dining room which were full of tins, canning jars, blankets, and knitted children’s clothes to the entry way. The parlor door was slightly ajar and as he started to open it, he heard Mac exclaim.  
  
“It’s been HOW LONG?” The shock in her voice was palpable.  
  
“Nearly six months, if you don’t count one misfire.” Phryne’s voice sounded miserable and shy.  
  
“My, my, I do believe you’ve set a personal celibacy record. If you keep at it you might regrow a hymen!”  
  
“Mac, you are not helping!”  
  
“Old thing, I can’t help. I don’t have the right equipment to help in this situation unless you’re planning on switching sides. Have you put in a rush order for a new percussion machine? Maybe we should put up lost and found posters – Lost one womb. If found, please return to the Honorable Phryne Fisher. There will be a substantial reward for the finder.”   
  
Mac’s eyes were watering from holding back the laughter. Phryne decided Mac was definitely enjoying this situation entirely too much.  
  
“So, what has caused this extreme bout of abstinence? Pickings been slim in Melbourne?”  
  
“Yes…no… I mean, I’m sure that they are fine… but I’ll look at one and he’s not the right height, or his eyes aren’t the right color or his voice doesn’t give me the chills, he’s not who I want to wake up with the next morning. And even before I stopped completely, well, let’s just say I do not want to risk what happened the last few times. It was mortifying.”  
  
“Oh, do tell!” Jack wasn’t sure he’d ever heard this level of mischievousness in the doctor’s voice before, reminiscent of a 14-year-old girl about to hear something salacious.  
  
“I…Icalledoutjacksnameduringsex.” Phryne made the admission in such a quick, quiet, and clipped manner, Jack was not at all sure he had heard what he thought he’d heard.  
  
“I’m sorry, could you repeat that, a bit slower this time?” Apparently, Mac had had the same problem, or, knowing Phryne’s oldest friend, she may very well have been pulling her string.  
  
“I… appear to have… called out for Jack when I was with other… which low and behold tends to put them entirely off their game. It totally deflated Lyle before he even got to the gate.”  
  
Jack ducked his head and closed his eyes, working to take it all in. Phryne had not taken a lover in half a year and had call out his name which prevented her from having sex with Compton. She had tried to tell him when he saw her in just Compton’s jacket, that it wasn’t what he thought it was even though it was. All this newfound knowledge lightened his heart and tightened other areas.  
  
“Mac, he can take me over the edge just by looking at me, just by talking to me. I dream about him so often I might as well buy stock in percussing vibrators as I’ve worn through two in six months!”  
  
“Should I bring by some saltpeter?”  
  
Phryne continued, hardly acknowledging her friend’s quip.   
  
“But it’s more than that. When I first met him, I just thought he’d be a beautiful dalliance with that face, that voice, and that body, and a professional demeanor that just begged to be overcome but it wasn’t long before I liked him and respected him and he became my professional partner and my friend… then, somehow, I fell in love with him. I don’t want a tumble, well, I didn’t want **just** a tumble. I want, I want to make love to him because I love him, not just because I want him or to scratch an itch.   
  
Mac, when he walks into the room, I’m excited and safe, all at the same time. I can talk to him for hours or we just sit silently and I’m never bored. We have conversations and jokes and even arguments without ever saying a word. I’ve been more intimate with him that most every man I have ever slept with and he’s only kissed me once! I look forward to things as domestic as taking him his lunch and watching him helping Jane with her homework and teasing Dot at the dinner table, for heaven’s sake! And while I love the patchwork family I’ve created, when he walks in the door, my breath catches because I feel like, it’s well and completely… home. I don’t just want him in my bed, I need him in my life.”  
  
Mac’s tone, while staying amused, took on a softer, more affectionate tone. It was obvious that this was something that her old friend had never dealt with before.  
  
“You, my dearest, have all the symptoms of being a woman in love. Very deeply in love. And you need to be talking to him, not me.”  
  
Phryne shook her head. “What if I’m not what he needs? What if what he needs is a more traditional family and a traditional wife? I can’t hurt him with all he’s been through with the divorce and Rosie! Do I have the right to start something that might not work because I’m not right for him or enough for him?”  
  
“You not enough? OK, it’s official. Abstinence has rotted your brain. Look, he’s coming off a divorce and the closest thing you ever had to a relationship was that pig Rene – you both need to share your issues and you both, more than any two people I know deserve a second chance at a good relationship. But both of you need to learn that the other one isn’t a mind reader and speak up!”  
  
Glancing at her watch, Mac finished her drink, kissed her friend on the forehead, and said, “As much as I hate to leave good company, I’m on early shift tomorrow. Let me know tomorrow afternoon if we need to post wanted pictures.” The final joke earned her a smack on the behind from her oldest friend.  
  
Rounding to leave through the front door, Mac finds Jack standing in the hallway. The look on his face tells her that he heard, if not all, enough. “So, Inspector, what are you up to on this fine evening?’ She whispered. Jack smiled, leaning down in order to be quiet and said, “I’m planning on taking a good friend’s advice and work on a lost and found case with Miss Fisher. It may take a while but I believe it can be brought to a successful conclusion.”  
  
Patting him on the arm as she left, she said, “Call me when it’s time to celebrate.”   
  
  



End file.
